“Unidentified Flying Objects” — digital collage by AleXander Hirka

Just Look At Them

Tony: Hi Bob. There you are. You are coming in clear.
You sure took some risks getting that close to them. The video they captured of you flying around will have them baffled for a long time to come.
Can you see me okay?

Bob: Hi Tony. Yes, yes I can see and hear you.
I wanted to capture good clear evidence of what goes on down there. What we have all grown up watching on the Earth Channel on Interplanetary Tube simply hasn’t touched on the horror show down there.
It has been sixty years since Klaatu addressed their obsession with violence but they chose to ignore him. With the threat of obliteration their Earth stood still, briefly—but ultimately it didn’t slow down their pursuit of brutality and bloodshed.

Samples From Their Foodchain

Tony: So true. These images will certainly convince The Council that the time for placing the ZooBubble around these creatures has come.
As we had to do with the Hunams on the planet Eard a long time ago—these life forms will have to be completely isolated. Very soon. Quarantined. Lest they follow the suggestions of those Ego Charismatic Corpuscles among them who are suggesting that they transmit themselves beyond their own planet.
The similarities between these two species are startling enough to label them a virus and to proceed in locking them down so they don’t spread.

Killing And Drinking — War and Water In A Box

Bob:
Growing a generation of young boys on the fictions written around their bloated technological advancement seems to damage their problem solving skills. Blunted imaginations capable only of fancy-dressing their shortcomings—fantasizing their foibles amidst the fantastic, their wars in outer space.
On Eard we called them Greengrassers — pissing in their own yard while eyeing the neighboring yard for the next time they need to go.

Tony: Maybe the correlation between both species’ behavior is that they have representatives possessing that penis-projectile thing? Like one of their lighthouses gone dark, it limits in guiding them, amidst turbulent seas, towards safe harbor solutions.
It always makes me laugh at how their silly narrative fables in space have characters with goofy names—Tyrion Rincewind Daenerys Zorander Frodo Stilgar Ben Fifrawi Velerad Yoda.

A Glance At Their Future: Body Modifying Injections And Machines That Make Art

Bob: They’ve known for a long time that they can’t go on like this. Yet what they call their solutions always seem to address only the symptoms—as if they were actively avoiding everything possible that would address the deeper problems.

Tony: Two hundered thousand spins around Helios only to get to this.
Y’know Bob, I think they took some really bad turns when they gave up that hunting-gathering thing. By the time they came up with those instantly-satisfying handheld braincuff gadgets they call “smart”, they were done. Exacerbating new lows of dullness while being fooled into thinking they were getting brighter.

Traditions of Holidays And Gifting

Bob: This will be the ninth planet to be isolated in a ZooBubble. One more force-caged place to be visited by Wee beings from other planets on Planetary Curriculum Tours.

Tony: I got in trouble once when I was a Wee. I tried throwing some food through the force bars around one of the planets that my class was visiting. My parental partners wouldn’t allow me to grap the zatniks for what seemed like eternity.
I’m hoping you won’t be disciplined for getting close enough for them to capture those images of our Flying Pyramid.

Public Displays Of Patriotism

Bob: Our FlyPyr is just the latest unidentified flying object for them to babble nonsense about. The stories they make up sound like their own fictional movies from a half century ago. They still haven’t recovered from the kerfuffle around that Orson Wells’ radiowave broadcast.

Tony: True true. And Bob, you know you can count on me to defend your actions. This is magnificent evidence to bring back. These images will be great information for the brochures regarding this ZooBubble. It’ll give the Wee a real idea as to what primitive behaviours to expect when they come to visit and look through the force bars.

Their Sense Of Heroism And Justice

Bob: Well Tony, I guess I better get going. Still have a way to go before getting home. Going to end this Zoom session for now and see you in a few days.

Tony: Well thanks Bob for sending these images in advance. I’ll be speaking to The Council tomorrow. I’ll try to send you a note about their reactions.
Safe travels!

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© AleXander Hirka 2021. All Rights Reserved.

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“Saucers” — photography/digital collage by AleXander Hirka

Writer, visual artist, philosopher, autodidact, curmudgeon. More than half of what i do is make believe. https://alexanderhirka.nyc

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