Doing Time

When Tyrone’s parents turned over the ransom money they were given directions to an old storage facility outside Hollywood.

The cavernous building housed a collector’s agglomeration of remnants from old TV shows. Among the acres of treasures was the tailor shop through the back door of which the agents of U.N.C.L.E entered their headquarters, a charter boat model with S.S.Minnow painted on the hull, the bottle from which I Dream Of Jeannie emerged, and the living room of 1313 Mockingbird Lane where the Munsters lived.
It was in the jail cell in Andy Griffith’s sheriff’s office that their son had spent the last five days.

He was on his way home from high school and a car caught Tyrone’s eye as it approached—bright green, something from the 1960s.
Two strong men came out, grabbed him, and threw him in the back seat—where between the two of them he was gagged, blindfolded and his hands tied.

After driving a while he was walked out of the car into a building. When the restraints were removed he found himself in jail. Other than the cell itself, which had been reinforced with a ceiling, it was obvious he was in an enormous prop repository. Not much he recognized other than what was obviously the Transporter from Star Trek on one of whose walls someone had hung a large poster of a bald man that read: Kojak.

Between the classy 1940s style suits which the three men wore—and the obviously fake mustaches (one with a goatee)—they were working hard not to be recognizable.
They brought him food, let him go to the bathroom, and brought him a stack of old magazines—Photoplay, Movie Classic—for entertainment. Otherwise they were very firm that they wanted him to be quiet and not ask any questions.

They put him on the phone once—I’m okay Mom and Dad. Please don’t call the police. His parents behaved and covered for his disapparance with a made up trip to see relatives.

When they kidnappers did speak, even on the phone, each one did so in a affected character voice. One was a bad imitation of the parody of Edward G. Robinson in cartoons. One had Brando in The Godfather down pretty well, and the third struggled with W. C. Fields.
For all the days they negotiated the ransom, he had to silently deal with these chumps. I’d rather be making license plates, he thought.

A couple days later the three men were arrested in Oregon.
“Out Of Work Actors’ Last Roles!” ”No Academy Awards For Kidnapping Thespians!” “Curtain Drops On Absurd Actor Abductors!” “Kidnappers To Play To Captive Crowd at Pelican Bay!”

Luckily he was allowed to stay home for a couple weeks to recover and share his trauma with a state appointed psychiatrist.

Having this time would help him get ready for the hearing the jokes from his friends after all the news stories.
“Kidnapped kid does time in Otis the town drunk’s cell!”

© AleXander Hirka 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Read RemingtonWrite’s version here:

In August 2020, I set myself the challenge of creating a daily digital collage based on an image and a concept. The image was that of the antique Omega watch that belonged to my Mom and the concept was Time.
In September 2020, the
Anomalous Duo is challenging themselves to write a short piece of fiction for each collage — the Our Hours project.

Writer, visual artist, philosopher, autodidact, curmudgeon. More than half of what i do is make believe.

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